the content, length, and our response to and relationship with "negative" things that arise within us all differ.
for me, a "negative" state (i put negative in quotation marks because one's perspective is what helps to describe anything, and if we shift our perspective - in a way that doesn't bypass or suppress what we're truly experiencing - it may shift what we actually experience) is one where I feel a lot of anxiety, I feel doubt and a lack of faith in my future (how I want it to look), I am constantly questioning what I "should" be doing (on micro and macro levels), and I engage in sabotaging behaviors and am hard on myself for that.
as I am getting some space away from these things, I am circling back to a truth that I feel is pretty widely known, especially if you're a person interested in buddhism or mindfulness, which is: finding comfort, or learning how to cope, in discomfort.
it feels less powerful when I see how cliche it looks, but let me show you how I got there myself, and maybe you can relate to that and find power in it as well.
most of us (including me) don't experientially understand how life feels to live with physical discomfort (no hot water, no bed, having to walk miles for fresh water, having to wait hours for public transportation...). for those of us living in america, especially westchester new york, our "needs" (capitalistic - getting goods quickly, being able to communicate with people globally whenever you want to, being able to stream a product or information like a movie, podcast, etc.) are being met so easily, it fucks with our ability to strengthen our muscle of coping with discomfort. really what that means to me is, it makes it harder for us to cope with the realities of life.
the constant meeting of these types of needs fucked with my mind so much that I became so out of practice with coping with discomfort, and tried to find ways around the things I didn't want to experience in life.
so now, things are surfacing in my consciousness to remind me that most of life is uncomfortable, especially when you start out on a baseline of comfortability and access.
this has all brought me to a truth that is most powerful for me; these "negative spaces" one may find themselves in is not their fault.
sometimes when I feel a negative feeling coming on, I attribute it to something that I did to cause that. i'm finding that, that's not true, and it disempowers me to access the tools I have within to help yourself in those moments.
I know this is widely debated and researched, but let me explain why I believe it's not true that one causes negative emotions, thoughts, periods, etc. in their lives...
we are all on a journey of unraveling our conditioning, for those that choose to and those that want to.
a person's conditioning differs based on what culture, country, ancestry, etc. they grew up in and/or learned from, and is based on what conditioning their caretakers still operate from.
before we unravel our conditioning, and along the process - whenever conditioning is still present and used by us (as it is a tool that was once beneficial for us to survive) to move through the world, our psyche, physiological body, emotional body, energetic body, spiritual selves, etc. are conditioned to respond to life in a certain way. we were able to survive and understand our lives, whether that be physically, psychologically or etc. by creating these coping mechanisms and psychological/mental frameworks within us to relate to that which is "outside" of us.
a lot of this conditioning can be positive, like how it is common among latinx people respond to life by dancing and through physical touch.
and, obviously a lot of conditioning can be really uncomfortable to experience. for example, you may be conditioned to believe that when a person doesn't smile at you, that means they are attempting to communicate to you that they feel negatively, because you may have grown up in a house where your mom did not directly communicate her feelings with you. the list goes on... and these triggers from the external world can happen daily, and cause less than desirable phenomena to go on in your body and mind.
basically, the point that I want to make is, we often can't control the way that our bodies, minds and souls have already been primed. so we most likely will feel undesirable emotions and feelings, but those reactions are not our fault, and could not be avoided by attempting to do all things positive for you.
true resilience is found when we can sit alongside our "negative states" and help in a way that feels accessible for you.
what is accessible for you now, will be different to what will be and can be accessible for you in the future, and already is different from what was accessible to you in the past.
it's easier to type this than to live this, but meet yourself where you're at with as little shame as you can leave at z door and you will be able to more effectively move forward.
it's all such a process that requires you to step outside of yourself, create space from what you're experiencing and begin to truly question it. sometimes, we can't find space between what we're experiencing and our internal wisdom because the act of finding space is the thing that may have felt unsafe in the past, but holds the most power in re-writing, re-wiring, or changing that part of yourself that plays on automatic.
i just wanted to send the message that if you're experiencing suffering, it's not in response to something you did or didn't do. even if it is, you responded to life with the internal tools you had in the moment, even if you feel you "know better", that automatic conditioning can still override that wisdom and that's okay.
when life gets hard, and things happen that are out of your control, and when things look differently than you imagined they would, that's just how life can be. it won't always look the way you imagine it will; i'm starting to understand how beneficial it is to truly accept that it rarely ever will.
maybe the way your internal self is molded to perceive what you believe to be "what you want" is holding you back from experiencing life that's right in front of you. and sometimes that life can feel and look very grey, but if you look closely, life exists in small small microcosms of cobwebs on a tree, and light through a window, that lend you the reminder that life truly is and can be much more slow, pure, and relieving than the way our society as a whole has agreed to look at it.
either way, be with your self in that form, because that's the form that wants to align with the rest of you, but just doesn't know how. sit with it, teach it, and allow it to teach you...
also, I would love to share some things that help me when I'm in the throws of a "negative" space. because I tend to think a lot when I'm in this space, something that helps me come out of my head is
dancing (look in the mirror as you dance, it is grounding, makes you laugh, and allows you to take yourself less seriously)
putting my feet in the grass, or laying on the grass listening to music ~ sungazing or cloud gazing (when weather permits)
looking at anything and really looking at it, a jar of peanut butter, then unraveling it to its purest form, and remembering that people (in some way) put together this product, but it is natural in its purest form. unraveling the way that things are packaged to us really helps me ground into the reality of life forms and resources
if you'd like to share what helps you when you're in the throws of your conditioned responses to life, please share with me and I can share in another email for the purpose of helping others and connecting us all. include what that activity/etc. helps what part of you, for ex. I wrote above that these ^ things help me get out of my head because I am a person who thinks a lot. I think relating activities to a specific part of you can be helpful for other people who share aspects of themselves with you (if you're loud, always moving etc. can be easier to relate to people who are the same)
i always welcome any sort of note or dialogue back. community and coming together especially in ways to truly support one another is important to me and something I believe (and has shown to be) essential to being healthy. the lights inside of all of us yearn to be truly seen and connected with. behind all that fear is luvvvvvvv <3
mwa mwa
sending y'all all a hug that regulates our nervous systems and gives us cheeky energy <33333333333333333
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