trust that the body has a "reason" for what it urges you towards and away from. you never have to provide explanation for a "no" or for a way your body feels. even if you're not confident in what your body is telling you, even if you're obstructed by doubt and other mental reasonings and phenomena - you are on your way. over time, with more inquisitiveness, curiosity, nonjudgmental space, your relationship to your body will become more intimate, and you'll begin to understand its language with the ears that were uniquely tuned for it. developing a more intimate understanding and tender, respectful and spacious way of relating to your body is like a non-verbal, somatic, sensual way of learning a language - your bodies language. that feels and seems like infinite explorations, dissipations of blockages - in memory, sensation, emotional and spiritual depths, ancestral and primal connections - and ever-expanding terrain that evolves in creation as we change. i feel plopped where i am at this journey of cultivating a relationships with my self, my body. beginning, middle? not end... here in the heart-space of right now . .
somatic work and dropping into the body is a practice that works in opposite ways as the conditioning we've all experienced in this post-colonial world. we've been taught to dominate, to weigh the scales of intellect and mind disproportionately with body, spirit, emotions. we have the same relationship to sensations, emotions, perspectives, desires, etc. that show up within us to the ways we take steps forward in the world, and as some of our ancestors did when colonizing the land and people who existed here before us. as we've been reflexively taught, we tend to dominate whatever it is that is within us, usually out of fear. i've been thinking a lot recently, as i am deep into the reflexivity of suppressing my emotions and sensations within my body, "i'm afraid of what is inside of me", which helps me understand the way i'm relating to myself, and although the fear feels just as real on a somatic level, i understand that it is interlaced with things i have learned and been socialized to suppress and find fear within my self. my old farm manager once said to me, "the conditioning is strong" and it is, which is why i find it so important to be in communities with people who may be further along the path than you are (in whatever you want to go deeper with) and see that the way you ebb and flow will be forever, and the shame that comes up within you is just a part of the conditioning. i understand the vulnerability and strength it takes to enter into these spaces; no one wants to newly enter a community where they feel they have the space to show a part of themselves that they vulnerably feel is important to who they are, and hits some deep part of themselves, to make mistakes in front of the people that you respect the most. unfortunately i believe it will happen if you're brave enough to show yourself and feel what it is to unravel the parts of yourself that have been "misguided". although the fear may be there, people and experiences will soon teach you that you're not a terrible person, and exactly as you are, with every different piece of you, is personal to you, allowed to exist without a label of positive or negative, and deserves connection from others and yourself. of course, i'm doing the somatic work now because my intellect and consciousness can be in spaces, that my body is still afraid of. your body is a vast well of intuition, memory, protection, and more that i can't speak on yet, but we all have a lot to learn from our bodies, and hopefully we may find spaces where people can offer you space and safety to travel deeper within yourself.
have any of you all been connecting more with your body, or have gotten closer to somatic work of any kind? let me know your experiences of relating to the different parts within yourself.
sending you all a lot of love <3
emmy
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